A woman's Point of View

75 tips for women

2009-04-02T01:15:00.000-07:00

75 tips for women

March 31, 2009

Read this a while ago. It’s been lying in my inbox since ages. Finally got to read it.

Worth it! Check it out! Especially for women…

Preventive measures:

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man’s character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5 Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Don’t force an attraction
7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don’t let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don’t settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship–take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren’t involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There’s only one ‘reason’ a man dumps you; he doesn’t want you.
18. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn’t call, he just isn’t that interested.
24. Be honest and upfront.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don’t be strung along.
26. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused role”. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don’t wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There’s more than physical abuse, there’s emotional and mental abuse.
If he causes any of them…flee.
29. You cannot change a man’s behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don’t let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself –double-standard.
31. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can’t give it, he can’t have you!
34. Don’t compete with other women, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he’s lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else’s man.
40. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt you and it doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom to ‘get it right’ the next time.
43 Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb …
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don’t love self…you can’t love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart.

51. Yo need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage…deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.

55 Never become your man’s “therapist”.
56. When actions and words conflict- believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type”…when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for you.

59. Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space…let him go out with his boys, don’t pressure him to spend time with you, You can’t force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn’t allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn’t.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother’s house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don’t depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.

66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When its time to let go, let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don’t play games.

72. You can’t make a whore into a housewife - or husband.
73. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.

Homage to Mothers

2009-03-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up spit-up laced with hot dogs, birthday cake, and fruit juice saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."

Who have walked around the house all night with their babies when they kept crying and wouldn't stop.

This is for all the mothers who have shown up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who have run carpools and made dozens of cookies for school teas and sewn Halloween costumes.

And all the mothers who haven't because they are at work trying to earn enough to keep on top of the bills.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see.

And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes and all their love.

This is for all the mothers who have sat on cold metal bleachers at hockey, baseball or soccer games instead of watching from their cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see me?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and meant it.

This is for all the mothers who have yelled at their kids in the grocery store and swatted them in despair when they stomped their feet, like a tired two-year-old does who wants ice cream before dinner, and then hated themselves for "losing" it.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children to explain all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.

For all the mothers who read Goodnight, Moon twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who taught their sons to cook and sew and their daughters to be brave and strong. (And sink a jump shot.)

This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or grown up.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just fine once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. And they do.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, and who can't find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips, sometimes until they bleed, when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.

What makes a good Mother anyway?
Is it patience?
Compassion?
Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it the heart? Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

Or the terror in your heart at 1 a.m. when your teenager with the new driver's license is an hour late getting home?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Or to feel the dull ache as you look in on your sleeping daughter or son the night before they leave for a college in another city?

The need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

For all the mothers of the victims of all the school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for mothers who have tearfully placed flowers and teddy bears on their children's graves. Whose children have died from illness, accidents and the worst of all and hardest to comprehend, suicides.

This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.

And mature mothers who have learned and are still learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Grandmothers whose wisdom and love remains a constant for their grown children and their children's children.

Source: http://parenting.ivillage.com/mom/joys/0,,hvkg-5,00.html

Being A Young Woman Today

2009-03-16T05:31:00.001-07:00

By Brenda Kageni

In so many ways, today’s young women have it a lot easier compared to past generations. Many of the weights of inequality, discrimination and gender-based violence that pulled down the older woman have been cut off and with the renewed space, we have seen more women come up and turn out as hope beacons and role models in their various fields. We are not lacking in women entrepreneurs, business leaders, political leaders, scholars and civil society activists.
It is great that the young women have broken from the victim mentality that was very evident in the 90’s and are learning to be in control of their own lives. They have more choices and they know it. The limits have been pulled off certain careers or positions or opinions and yeah, the glass ceiling is slowly cracking because a myriad heads have been butting on it. With this too have come the choices to say no and choose an altogether different path from what their mothers would have chosen. Most women today will not stay in an abusive relationship because they know better. Many are actually surprised to hear of the emancipation tales their mothers and grandmothers tell on the battles they fought for them to enjoy the space they now have. But even when the challnges are the same as those of past generations, today’s young woman has a platform, whether social or legal to address some of the challenges. An example is the legislation on sexual offences. There are also many mentorship programs in place that are target them.

With this sort of empowerment, it is not surprising to find more and more women are consciously delaying starting families for career growth. It is perfectly normal to be 30 and without a life partner. Many more are not even keen on the idea of marriage.

Most women under 30’s clearly know what it is they want to accomplish with their lives and when and a lot of times, their order of priority will clash with what would have passed a few years ago. They young women want this job, that earns this much, they want to have this kind of CV, live in this kind of house, drive this kind of car and hang out with this kind of crowd. Career success comes first, then the money, the influence and the various trappings of power.

However with this has come the pressure to be successful. Too much pressure to achieve sooooo much! There is greater pressure for financial independence, further education and vertical career growth, sometimes at whatever cost and creating time for relationships is hard. Because things are a lot easier for this generation, and because of the technological global advancements, the bar has been pushed up there. Competition is global. Standards are global yet the traditional expectations still remain. The role models are there who just increase the inner and outer pressure to outperform oneself and make a name while still maintaining the calm smile despite the stiletto pinch. If there ever has been a time when women were expected to be super women, this has to be it. First degrees and diplomas no longer count and the race is to add to one’s education as a workplace survival tactic. The expectations in the work place however do not come down just because one has to hand in term papers and sit for CATs after a 9-hour working day.

Striking that delicate balance may be the most challenging part for many young women today. Whether to embrace the traditional woman’s role or to adapt to this new high-energy highflying woman in Prada, who has little time for anything or anyone else but herself, is another. The fear at the end of the day is that you could end up as this career big shot who is very lonely, the woman with a beautiful family that’s brought up by the housegirl, or the small time family woman who doesn’t seem ambitious enough to have an 8-8 job weekends included.

The Joys of Motherhood

2009-03-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

"Why Do You Love Motherhood?"
We asked. You answered.

Why do you love being a mother? Why do you love your children, of any age or stage?

From Abby
As I read the comments of others mothers I cried. The joy and love I feel being a mother is indescribable at times. I have two children: I am a stepmother to a 19-year old daughter, who has been a part of my life for the last 15 years. I also have a son who is 9 years old.

I have always felt the most important job in the world was to help children grow, discover, love and learn how to live in this world that is both amazing and alarming.

Everyday is an adventure in which I want my children to discover life and how to help one another as well as themselves. I thank God everyday for this opportunity to make a difference in their lives and what a difference they make in mine. We are all teachers and we are all students. As I teach my children to grow up, they teach me how to keep those childlike qualities that make us all alive and free and ready for the next adventure. Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to let everyone know how blessed it is to have the role as a mother.

From Leslie
As a fairly new single mom, I love the fact that there is only the truth and what's in front of them. Being a mother forces you to live in the present moment. Learning the true meaning of unconditional love. The mysteries, the surprises. Being greeted when you walk in the door from work every day with such joy and excitement. Being a mother challenges you in every way, it brings you to your edge, it tests your strength, courage and patience. It takes you to your edge and builds strength. It allows to be a child again in moments. It allows you to appreciate the simple things in life. It allows you to laugh more and not take yourself so seriously. Being a mother reminds you of who you are in the eyes of the beholder. It's magical and humbling.

From Susie Glennan:
I love having kids old enough to talk with.
I love it when my son, at age 12, kisses me goodbye even though other kids are there. (This makes me so proud because I know he loves me more than he cares about what others think.)
I love when I'm crying and my 15-year-old comes up behind me and hugs me like I'm the child.
I love when my 10-year-old speaks about something that's on her mind. She's so amazing!
I love when we all sit around together talking about old times, new times, what we want out of life.
I'm amazed when my children come to me with revelations about God and who He is.

I love the teen years, which astound so many. I'm reliving joys, pains, new experiences with my children.
I love when they ask me what I did when... I usually haven't much of an answer because I am never sure what the right thing to do is, but I give my thoughts and they go away thinking. They usually come up with a great solution!

This is why I'm selling my company. Because I realized this past year and a half of owning The Busy Woman's Daily Planner, what matters most. And that's my motto, "Making time for what matters most, God, Family, Friends, Fun!" So now I'm getting back to them, my children.

From D. Schuster, Ohio
I love being a mom because
every time I hear the words, "I wuv you, too," I know they are heart felt.
I have that special time after both of my sons have fallen asleep to sit outside their bedrooms and just listen to them snore.
I know that I am doing a good job when the 3 year old tries to read to the 1-1/2 year old.
I get a chance to fold the little clothes and pick up the toys, even though my heart breaks every time I have to pack something away, or give it away because it no longer fits or "it's a baby toy, mom."
From Alice, creator of "Slices of Sunlight, A Cookbook of Memories"
"Motherhood: What I Love and Have Tragically Learned"
I love the soft faces of my children, their hugs and smiles.
I love the times they question and I can answer and we
are able to discuss on deep levels although they are only 3, 4 and 10 in ages. I love their creativity even though it means a messy kitchen table with strips of cut-outs and glue. I love their discoveries and enthusiasm for learning. I love their generosity. I love when they are able to forgive and forget.
Tragically, all of my 'motherly joy' for being with my three children is clouded these days. It is not the same innocent joy as three years ago. Now it is tinted with an awareness that can only come since the death of a child. In a second's time, I have seen innocence vanish as pain ravishes.
What have I learned since the last time I held my four year-old, Daniel, who died after cancer treatments in 1997? Time is not to be wasted. Today is a day to embrace. I say "I love you" more often. I know there are no guarantees that we will have tomorrow together.

I know now how deep a mother's love for a child is. It is so vast that when a child dies, the hole in a mother's heart is never filled again.

From DeAnna, in Maine
Why do I love being a mom? I don't even know where to begin. First, knowing that my children are healthy, happy, safe, fed, warm, and definitely loved; that they were conceived out of love; seeing my son's eyes light up when Daddy walks in the room; hearing his giggles when he's being tickled; listening to my baby girl's laughter and her mocking cough when I do; her toothless grin; our nightly ritual which Mommy and Daddy each do and our son repeats each sentence, which begins with us saying, "I love you, very much, whole bunchins, lots and lots, sweet dreams, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, see you in the morning, night night babe." Then we each give kisses, one on each cheek, the nose, and forehead, rub noses and big hugs. It's the little things, which are big things to us that mean the most, like when our son climbs in bed with us to say good morning, an "I love you" just because, hugs and kisses, and knowing that Mommy and Daddy can make the hurt go away just by kissing the boo-boo. Our children are the greatest joy in life, and nothing else in this world compares.

From Joy
I love waking up to a warm-puppy bundle, wiggling over to my side of the bed and hearing her breathlessly whispering "You looked like you needed to snuggle."

I love how the baby has learned to take my face in her little hands and plant a wet kiss on the bridge of my nose.

I love to watch my daughters cuddle under a blanket while the older "reads" to the younger.

I almost didn't have children, thinking that I was too career-oriented to spare the time and dedication. How grateful I am to God for allowing me to change my mind! I can't imagine a day without these beautiful gifts - yes, even when the baby tries to flush my new shoes down the toilet or my oldest daughter chooses a stranger in the grocery store to hear her story about falling in the catbox!

From Shannon of ScrapIts Premade Scrapbook Pages
There are sooo many wonderful things about being a mother, I could not list them all here. But one of the most amazing things about being a mother is seeing my children love each other. My heart swells when I see my eight-year-old son comfort his younger brother when he has fallen off his bike. And one of my youngest daughters first words was her older brother's name. Her eyes light up when she sees him and she says, "K.C.!" with a big grin on her face. That almost makes up for the times that they fight!

From Heide K.
The other day at work - I work at a family daycare - I was playing with a six-month-old baby, while our preschoolers were all napping. The baby was so utterly content and happy, just because he loved playing with my bright red fingernails. He was squealing with delight, batting at my big hands with his little hands, ever so often trying to chew on them. These kind of moments are the most healing kinds for any troubled mind. A baby is the ultimate expression of God! As I am writing this, very early in the morning my 2 1/2 year old son is sleeping on the couch beside me. He is a very rambunctious toddler, but for every temper tantrum he throws, I thank God that my son is so healthy and well-developed. I also have three teenage girls, who present a whole different set of experiences for me. I just cannot imagine life without children, and I feel sorry for people who make the conscious choice to remain childless. They have no idea what they re depriving themselves of!

From Cissy
What I love about my son...
1.) His gum smile.
2.) His eagerness to grow and learn fast.
3.) The way he loves to taste everything, including aerials.
4.) His tiny feet.
5.) His eagerness to try new food.
The list is endless......

From Donna Schwartz Mills
1. Our little rituals -- Like dancing together to the songs on "Dragon Tales," and telling her my little secret each night before she goes to sleep:
"I know, I know. You love me."
"That's right. Isn't that a good secret?"
"But I know that secret!" She sounds exasperated, but she's got that little smile on, so I know she isn't really tired of hearing my secret.

2. If I weren't a mom, I wouldn't know how good the pizza really is at Chuck E Cheese. Nor would I know the joys of the Animaniacs and Hysteria, which are in the tradition of the classics (you know, Bugs, Porky and Daffy).

3. I enjoy puffing up with pride when she translates Korean in her Tae Kwon Do class.

4. Speaking of that white karate uniform, I finally understand why there are so many different varieties of laundry additives in the supermarket and I think now I've used them all...and in a sick kind of way, successfully removing a difficult stain is kind of fun.
5. I love the fact that I can sing her old Beatles songs and show tunes and she actually enjoys it.

6. Our refrigerator is now put to better use as a display of our daughter's artwork.

7. I now amaze my friends and family by my ability to recite the collected works of Dr. Seuss.

8. That empty feeling I used to have when I wondered what I was doing on this earth is now gone. I have my answer and I've never been happier.

Source: http://www.momscape.com/motherhood.htm

Memo, parents: choosing a school is about your child, not you. So, get a life!

2009-02-16T01:51:00.000-08:00

http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/choosing-schools-is-about-your-child-not-you/2007/07/17/1184559786008.html?page=fullpage

IT'S that time of year when parents begin wringing their sweaty palms about where their kinder child should start school next year. I laughed like a drain when I heard reports of parents at primary school open days with clipboards. I didn't believe it, of course, until a mate told me that several of her mother's group were guilty as charged.

"With clipboards?" "Yes, with clipboards." "To check out a school?" "No, to check out about six schools." At this point I fell off my chair in hysterics. "So tell me, what are these mothers trying to find in a school?" "Well, Dev, they are trying to find the school that is going to turn their child into a genius." BINGO. So if they can't be a genius maybe their kid can be the genius they might have been. Now that sounds like healthy parenting. Why would anyone want their kids to be a genius? I just want my kids to be well rounded, resilient and not in jail. All I hope is that by the time they are 25 they have survived a broken heart, a flat tyre, food poisoning and have a couple of good mates. Bad mother, me.

When our eldest started school I met a woman at the school information night. She listed off eight primary schools that she had already checked out. I said: "We're only seeing this one." By the grave look on her face it was as if the principal was Pol Pot and the teachers were ex-military personnel from Abu Ghraib. I'd love to tell you that I turned to her and said: "Get over yourself." But I didn't. All we wanted was for our son to turn up on the first day of school and know a familiar face from kinder. Because you can't tell if a place is right for your kid simply by wandering around the corridors.

Here's a tip. If you have checked out more that two schools it's probably a good idea to consider getting yourself a life at some stage. If you have a good reason not to send them to the local primary school send them to the next closest. If you feel the difference is between a child who will be a Nobel Prize winner and a child who is a crack-addicted hooker you're wrong.

Here's a message from all of us here at calm down international: "If you are so tragic that you need your kids to go to a certain school to feel better about yourself may I suggest that you take a short course, do some volunteer work or try yoga."

What is best for kids is not the idyllic school environment as perceived by their anxious, hovering parents. Children are better equipped in life by learning persistence and motivation through failure, disappointment and frustration than by some fantasy school created by their parents' inner five-year-old. Kids just want: a place to play chasey, some teachers who know their name and a few mates they can laugh and swap lunches with.

Most kids don't give a rat's about the improvised music workshops, organic gardens and interpretative dance classes they do at school. But the parents, eyes blazing, face alight, will bore people senseless about it in an attempt to convince you of their coolness. All it actually does is convince us that they are Wannabe Creatives; insecure dags who had friends in bands but were never in bands themselves. Too much exposure to organised creativity immunises children against creativity. I can guarantee you that they will never hunger to paint like Monet, read Shakespeare or play cello like Casals because: "Nah. I did that when I was six and I was crap at it. Let's go to the casino!"

As far as holding them back for an extra year; when in doubt hold them back. If kinder has suggested that they can do with another year, hold them back.

If you are thinking that the earlier you get a child into school the more you can stuff into them, hold them back. If these instructions from me are pissing you off because people around you are suggesting that you hold your kid back, hold them back. I do not know of one parent who has held a child back and regretted it, but know dozens of parents who sent them early who do. If your defence is that they'll be bored at home, trust me, kids are always bored at home.

There have been countless studies showing that starting children early may have academic, social and psychological disadvantages, but it's simply common sense to have kids coping as best as possible in the classroom rather than struggling, or worse still, being held back. It's an individual decision and the Government desperately needs to increase funding to kindergartens and establish more preschool programs for four-to-five-year-olds attached to schools to make this decision easier.

Why we need Girlfriends

2009-01-21T02:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.newheightslifecoaching.com

I’ve always been a “guy’s girl”. I enjoy watching Sunday football at a sports bar on a crisp Autumn day. I hate gossip and drama. I can laugh at myself and take a good deal of heckling (most of the time… I have my moments). As a result, my group of friends has usually consisted of far more guys than girls. Sure, I’ve had my share of token girlfriends for those critical Saturday nights when I need to know if that skirt goes with those shoes (the boys just don’t have a clue when it comes to that stuff – trust me).

But recently having a great group of girlfriends has become much more important to me than in years past. I’m not sure why…. Maybe I’m just getting older (boys come and go - blah, blah, blah). Maybe I’ve overdosed on men after living in Park City for the last year, where the ratio is 10 guys to every girl. Maybe I just miss having someone around who is as excited about getting a pedicure as I am. I don’t know. But after realizing how rare and precious having really great girlfriends actually is, here’s what I’ve learned to appreciate the most:

1) A great girlfriend is there for you. A really great girlfriend won’t hesitate to bring you magazines, movies and chicken soup when you’re sick. She’ll be the first one knocking at your door with chocolate chip cookie dough and tissues when your boyfriend dumps you. And you’ll always be able to count on her to tell you how kick-ass you look in your new jeans. There’s something special about women where we just naturally feel the need to BE there for each other. You can’t put a price on that kind of loyalty.

2) A great girlfriend can relate to your problems. Whether you’re dealing with the glass ceiling at the office or having to break things off with a needy guy, a girlfriend is going to “get” where you’re coming from. She understands what you’re going through, not because you’re describing it so well, but because she’s been there herself. She knows the nuances of the experiences you’re dealing with. There’s an unspoken understanding among women that you can’t find just anywhere.

3) A great girlfriend understands the value of depth. I love having a beer with my guy friends, but I connect with my girlfriends though our meaningful conversations about life. We talk about our feelings and process our emotions (a man’s greatest fear!). We connect through analyzing our inner selves. We gain wisdom about love, careers, friendships, and spirituality. Talking to my girlfriends gives me an opportunity to reflect on where I am in life and whether I’m on the right track.

4) A great girlfriend actively supports your dreams. A really great girlfriend is your biggest cheerleader. She’ll encourage you to pursue your life goals (Grad school? Travel around the world? Joining the Peace Corp?) She’ll be there for you when you feel like giving up. She’ll help you find the motivation you need to persevere through difficult challenges. She’ll listen as you re-evaluate your life goals. She’ll even hold your hand when you give up on certain dreams (marrying the wrong guy, going to law school because your parents wanted you to). A great girlfriend doesn’t just blindly support you – she is actively engaged and invested in your happiness, and does everything she can to make sure you are following your true path.

I could probably come up with a lot of other reasons why having girlfriends is so important to me these days. But here’s the bottom line: my girlfriends offer genuine acceptance in my life. They never expect me to be anyone other than who I already am. However, they cheer me on as I pursue my personal growth and create an authentic life from one day to the next. And at the end of the day, that’s what it’s all about.

2009-01-19T05:42:00.002-08:00

SEXUAL OFFENCES IN NAIVASHA

2009-01-19T05:42:00.000-08:00

By Brenda Kageni

Mr Njuguna Kamau recounts of a function he had attended in Limuru two years ago. When he was called to address the gathering and people heard he was from Naivasha, suddenly mothers started looking for their daughters. The emcee on a light note warned all the girls under 18 to run to their mothers, as these (the men from Naivasha) were dangerous people where children were concerned.
“I was so embarrassed,” Njuguna recounts.
Defilement and rape had tainted the image of the town to the extent that every man was thought of to be a paedophile or rapist. However Njuguna who is also the vice chairman of the rotary club of Naivasha, responsible for setting up a safe house to rescue abused children in and around Naivasha, says that this tainted image was much more as a result of media hype than the real number of cases.
“We were having about 4 cases in a month but according to media reports, we were receiving a case of rape or sexual assault everyday,” he says.
However it is this media reports that necessitated the carrying out of in-depth studies into the problem and the establishment of a safe-house to protect, counsel and treat affected children.
“It is us as the rotary club who demanded a gender/children?s desk at the police station.” This has specially trained officers to handle cases of defilement and rape.
Also as a result of the negative publicity the town was getting, cases of sexual assault from as far as Thika and Kiambu would find there way to the Naivasha District Hospital.
“Last year a man who had been sodomised in Thika was brought to the hospital because the relatives thought that since this is such a common occurrence here, the hospital was better organised to deal with the case,” says Njuguna.
Cooperation between the community, the safe house, the District Officer?s office, the Naivasha District Hospital, the children’s officer and the police, has ensured that offenders are apprehended and prosecuted. Currently, Naivasha District is a test case for the implementation and enforcement of the Children's Act of 2001 and is becoming a success story that other regions can learn from.

In Korogocho for example, Ms Emily Aluoch the coordinator of I am Worth Defending (IWD), an organisation teaching young women and girls self-defence skills says that they receive three rape or defilement cases every week. Although she says that this rate has actually coming down since they begun their work in the area early last year, Aluoch says that one of the greatest impediments has been lethargic networks especially with the police and the community. Many cases of defilement and rape go unreported and even when they are, the police hardly ever follow up. Quite often, IWD finds itself having take the women and children to Nairobi Women’s Hospital even after a matter has been reported to the police or having to mobilise the community to arrest the offenders.
“We deal with preventive measures but we often end up doing referral cases to help the women and children once they have been raped,” says Aluoch.

Njuguna attributes the many cases of sexual offences to high rates of joblessness and absentee mothers . Due to the large number of flower and horticultural farms, the area has attracted large numbers of people from all over, the majority of whom a re women. The women are out of their homes most times by six and are not back till 6.30pm.
“Some of them hardly ever see their children and most of them do not care to even make follow up on their children at schools.”
As a result, children are an easy prey to jobless youths in the congested villages.

However Mr Willy Ndagana the Naivasha OCPD informs us that the cases of sexual offences have really gone down in the last few months. Last year the gender desk at the police station received 17 sexual offence cases. By May this year, the number they have received is far much lower than what they had in 2007. This is confirmed by Njuguna and Ann Mativo
the manager at the Rotary Club safe-house. Although she still has 35 children in her custody, she says that she has not had a single case of defilement this year, compared with the 237 or so cases that have been through the facility in the five years the safe-house has been open.

Ndagana who also attributes the cases to the large population of working women in the area, says that greater enlightenment among the population as a result of sensitization efforts could be responsible for the dwindling rates.
?In the last two weeks we have not had any case of sexual violence,? Ndagana says. “I am not aware of any aggressive sensitization but the people always report such cases because they know how they are protected.”

Mativo agrees that the level of sensitization among the community is high and most cases get reported as opposed to when parents chose to settle things out of court. Even where the parents try to hide a case, neighbours will always report, she says. “There is good networking between hospitals, the police station, the Naivasha Community Project, the children’s office and other stakeholders who are helping in advocacy,” she
says.

The town also has a very effective community policing.
“People are more free talking to the police,” says Mativo.
They also have a community policing project by the name of Naivasha Community Project (NCP) which offers 24-hour emergency and response services to the community to which the residents contribute sh200 a month.

“People have started knowing their rights. The girls and children have been educated and told what their rights are. The men also know the consequences of their actions,” says Njuguna.

However what won the battle for Naivasha, Njuguna says, is being willing to come out in the open and face the claims. “People do not want to come out in the open. We decided whether it is true or false, we are going to the mountain top to talk about it.”

However according to police reports, cases of incest have been on the rise in the area.
“This is a societal problem,” says Ndagana. “The problem with such relationships is that they are so hard to prove. You cannot just arrest a man for living with his daughter.”

Mativo blames the rising cases of incest on serial marriages resulting from remarriages and HIV/AIDS deaths. “When you are married and you have grown up children, it is so easy to have these kind of relationships.”

Strong women

2009-01-19T05:21:00.000-08:00

She is loved and hated in equal measure. Whether we like it or not, she is the only woman who can hack it into Kenyan presidency come 2012. I knew this when I listened to some old drunk men on my way home the other day. They are Kikuyu men, and old. I would expect them to defend the state of affairs in our country and to protect the political class of the likes of Kibaki, Uhuru kenyatta, Saitoti, Mudavadi and Raila. But nah! They said that they are going to vote for her, that woman, Martha Karua.

I agree with them on the pointbthat she could be the something different taht this country needs. Women bicker alot. they fight, rig each other out of elections through malice, hate each others gus, but women, will never descend to the levels of grand corruption we see in our country. Their chamas will never get to the same point as the gold buddy league we see.

There may be injustice in a woman's tenure. But it will not be the gross injustice againt the mwananchi. it will be instead be against the man who opposes her, or the woman she never liked. Injustice all the same but petty.

Do they have the guts to lead this country? we mean, do they have the guts to command the armed forces and sack corrupt Central Bank Governor? Yes. Are they bold enough to blatantly steal from the masses and condone both high and low level corruption? I dont think so. And I bless them for that.

Make up? What make up

2009-01-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

I bless whoever invented the mascaras and foundations of thsi world. They help us live a lie. But a beautiful lie, that is. This picture just explains why. She is a millionaire, she is young, she is very physically active- a good excue for perfect skin. But no...

My New Hero

2008-10-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

He is young, ambitious, handsome, brainy, a family man and he will soon be among the most powerful people in the world. Tell me why I wouldn't vote for Obama if I were American.

Deliriously Happy Singles? I Don't Think So...

2008-10-21T01:22:00.000-07:00

From http://misskelly.typepad.com/miss_kelly_/2006/06/deliriously_hap.html

Last Sunday, the Boston Sunday Globe magazine cover story was Single and Loving It, about single people buying houses, having babies, and vacationing alone - "and they couldn't be happier." The article bothered me on two levels: 1) it makes being single sound like a great adventure, when it's a lonely place for most people and 2) it diminishes the institution of marriage in many ways. First, we'll deal with part 1. I'll save part 2 for another day.

As a woman who was single for most of my adult life (I married late), proclaiming the singles "couldn't be happier" is a crock and we all know it. They certainly could be happier, and I bet that each and every one of those allegedly deliriously happy single people would rather NOT be single. But due to a number of societal trends, there are fewer people interested in marrying, which is a shame for these individual people, and it's unfortunate for the society at large (and for the children they adopt).

What are the trends? The advent of birth control and the sexual revolution is one, which disassociated sex from marriage and procreation (just like the Vatican said it would back then). There simply isn't the value placed on marriage that existed 40 years ago, there's less pressure to get married. Many men are reluctant to commit to marriage, and they can be sexually active without it. Many women are fearful of losing their "independence" in a marriage. Young women are still told to postpone getting married and having kids until they're established in their career. (Pretty bad advice for women who do want kids, start young while you're fertile and energetic). Our culture is vastly more self-absorbed and selfish nowadays. People are more interested in their own individual "self-actualization" than in learning to share their lives with another person. A single woman who wants babies is more concerned with her personal fulfilment than with the child's fulfillment, or the child's right to have a father.

Many of the couples in the article said things like "I'm not willing to settle..." and "It's going to take one hell of girl." The other person has to meet high standards, the other person has to be exceptional. We're talking soul-mate material only! But no one said anything like, "I'm willing to share and compromise, I know there's give-and-take in any relationship. My relationship with another person might come ahead of my personal desires sometimes, there will be some self-sacrifice." Blasphemy in these irreligious times! Nothing is more important than the individual, it's all about me!

It's well documented that married people are happier, they do live longer, their finances are better, they're more altruistic, and their kids are happier, more secure, and also financially better off. Society is better off having stable families taking care of children. There's a good reason your parents and friends are still trying to set you up, they love you and want you to be loved and cared for. Most human beings are happier with someone to share the joys and burdens of life with, including such mundane things as grocery shopping, snuggling on the couch, shovelling the driveway, paying bills, and walking the dog. For me (and my husband), the coupled life beats the single life by a million miles.

I don't buy it that these folks who are dying their hair blue or buying fancy appliances are all that happy about their situation. I'm not saying single people are miserable, I was able to entertain myself quite well in my singleton years. But it's malarkey to say they're happier. A society with more and more single people living alone in their individual houses doesn't sound like it's going in the right direction. Not much of a future there. Who will take care of them in their old age? What will they pass on and to whom?

Advice: Singles should stop pretending they're happy and OK with being single, admit that your life would be richer with a mate. Tell yourself that you want a wife or husband, and make that a priority. Drop the New Age "soul mate" obsession (it's wishful thinking and as baseless as the crushes you had in junior high school.) Develop your personality and strengths so that you are an exceptional person and companion. Relearn how to share and give and compromise. Don't sleep around, you're wasting your energies and spirit. Remember where you came from: a married mother and father (for most of us anyway). That institution is the underpinning of our very society, and dispensing with it isn't likely to be an improvement.

Women like Palin ensure that men remain on top

2008-09-29T05:37:00.000-07:00

By RASNA WARAH

Women who have had to struggle all their lives to survive and succeed in a male world often find it difficult to criticise other women in leadership positions.

They see such criticism as a sign of betrayal and as a blow to the women’s cause.

Yet, why is it that so many women, including myself, find the appointment of Sarah Palin as the Republican candidate for the vice presidency of the United States so disconcerting?

Is it because she got this post too easily – rising from governor of a small, underpopulated state (where hunting is the main pastime) to being nominated to the second most powerful seat in government without going through a trial-by-fire?

Or are women who are constantly exhausted from working at home and having a full-time job resentful of her extraordinary ability to take care of five children (the youngest of whom is just 5 months old) and run a state at the same time?

Do we also wonder whether her political ambitions are getting in the way of her being a good wife and mother?

Actually, I don’t think it is any of the above that many women find irritating or disturbing about Palin.

The problem we have with her is much for fundamental – it has to do with the fact that Palin is the kind of woman that men use to remain on top, and that in the final analysis, women like her end up harming, rather than benefiting, the women’s cause.

It is clear that Palin was selected to be John McCain’s running mate because she does not threaten the edifice upon which male-dominated Washington rests.

She constantly refers to herself as a “hockey mom” and expects people to believe that this is enough qualification to run a country.

In all her speeches, she defers to men, whether it is McCain or her husband, as if seeking their permission.

As far I can tell, she has little or no foreign policy experience. She is the kind of woman powerful men like to have around because it affirms their own superiority.

Which is not to say that she is a pushover. According to a recent article in the New York Times, Palin is quick to fire people she does not like and has been known to punish those who oppose her.

Loyalty and secrecy characterise her management style, which she values more than competence and integrity.

Although this is a style than men in powerful positions have perfected, many women find it hard to manage in this manner because women tend to be manage through consensus and cooperation.

Such women often find themselves either “promoted” to posts that wield little power or moved laterally to posts where they have few opportunities to use their intellect or skills.

There are exceptions, of course. Margaret Thatcher and Angela Merkel come to mind, but if you were to ask these women what price they paid to attain the most powerful positions in government, I am sure they will tell you tales of sacrifice, behind-the-scenes negotiations and sheer determination.

The other problem with Palin is that she seems too good to be true. Her picture-perfect life (marred recently by her pregnant teenage daughter) doesn’t seem to suffer from the trials that other women leaders have to go through to maintain a semblance of normalcy in their lives.

Unlike Michelle Obama, who has no qualms about admitting that she is worried about how the presidency might impact her family, and even talks quite openly about the challenges her family has had to face in the past, Palin seems to whiz through family and public life without a hair out of place.

In this regard, she is like Hilary Clinton, in that she tries too hard to show a rosy image of herself when the whole world knows that there is no such thing as a perfect family.

But unlike Clinton, whose razor-sharp mind and worldliness were her biggest assets, Palin appears as someone who would need a tutor to guide her through every political decision.

In terms of what Palin will do to help the women’s cause, the answer is nothing.

Palin does not care much for issues that concern working women in the United States, such as equal pay, child care, medical insurance and reproductive rights. Even her appointment is little cause to celebrate.

As author and feminist Gloria Steinem has pointed out about McCain’s choice of vice president, “This isn’t the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need.

"Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It is about making life more fair for all women.”

Palin’s nomination should therefore not be seen as a victory for women, but as a victory for men who can only secure their positions by surrounding themselves with ineffectual and compliant women.

My Baby Photo

2008-09-25T03:32:00.000-07:00

I love pictures of babies… babies I know, babies I don’t know, babies I will never meet nor do I care to. Recently when I put a desktop picture of a big cute baby gal, a colleague dissed me and told me to go get my own. My fascination with other people’s baby pictures might have something to do with that fact that I do not have any of my own- for some reason the youngest I ever saw myself was at more than a year old. And even then I did not offer the most flattering model to the Village (more like district) cameraman who passed by every Sunday. I was so totally afraid of the cam that I was always crying in photos… and goes my sad but short affiliation with them pics.

Now I was stupefied when I heard that the Brangelina twin photos were sold to People for $14 mil (sh896M). Previously when People paid a reported $4 million to publish pictures of Brangelina's earlier contribution to the human race in 2006, the issue actually sold out. Certain sectors of the population — I'm taking a wild guess that most of them are women — get a kick out of seeing pictures of babies that were birthed by people they will never meet.

Women’s fib

2008-09-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

By Barkha Dutt, Group Editor, English News, NDTV

Isn't it infuriating when women who probably abhor the very fundamentals of feminism suddenly embrace it in order to play victim? And isn’t it so offensive when Gender is used as the convenient and automatic justification for losing?

Watching the otherwise fascinating American elections unfold, I’m stunned by how ‘sexism’ has become a central character in the narrative. First, they argued that Hillary Clinton got booted out because she was female. Never mind her dithering, incoherent positions on Iraq; forget about the surly anger and petty control that her husband brought to the campaign and don't even mention the fact that when they thought the ‘tears’ were working, her managers pushed her into playing it even ‘more female’. If anything, surely that’s sexist?

But no — even the hard-nosed, bright lawyer could not resist the temptation of casting herself in the role of victim and the American people in the role of women-hating oppressors. The subtext was incredulous — Hillary’s camp was suggesting that when it came down to prejudice, being Black was more palatable to people than being Female.

Now, public focus has shifted away from Hillary to a woman deeply antithetical to her — in appearance, personality and ideology. But the charge of ‘sexism’ continues to define the political debate in America.

Anyone who heard Sarah Palin’s feisty and combative speech this week knows that the former beauty queen and hockey-mom who also hunts, is no one’s idea of a poor-little-thing. Palin cleverly positioned herself as an outsider in Washington’s charmed and powerful circle of influence. But, who is she fooling? The small-town mommy persona is entirely deliberate and crafted. With one eye firmly on Middle America, Sarah Palin made sure that the Family Postcard was on perfect display at the Republican Convention. The doting husband; the five kids, the youngest born with Down’s Syndrome; the teenage daughter who got knocked up but is going to do the ‘right thing’ by marrying her childhood sweetheart and the PTA mother-turned politician, presiding like a protective matriarch, over her brood. This, as an American commentator wrote, was Christian country ethos: hate the sin, love the sinner. As strategy goes, it is fair game and may even be the smartest move the Republicans have made so far. John McCain wanted a running mate who would rustle up a storm and he has got one. Palin’s personal history — the kid with special needs, the daughter who got pregnant — speaks to the essential fallibility of the ordinary American family. If the postcard is frayed at the edges, it’s because so is Life. To that extent, McCain may have played an ace.

The problem begins because Palin also wants pity. Scandals have begun to surface in the American media on how the Alaska Governor tried to get her brother-in-law sacked, how she was abusive on a radio-talk show, how she is married to a man who wanted to secede from America and how she really doesn’t know that much about the war in Iraq, despite having a son enrolled in the military. Others have demanded to know how she can justify the Republican policy on teaching school children sexual abstinence over using protection (Republicans do not fund education programmes that advocate birth control) when her own daughter is a living example of why that policy has been a dismal failure. But the moment the fierce public scrutiny and criticism kicked in, Palin’s supporters fell back on that tired old accusation — the Governor, they argued, was a victim of sexist bias.

For god’s sake. Even if Palin were not haunted by controversy, her ideology alone makes her antithetical to the very notion of Feminism. She believes the government should force women to bear children, even if raped. She is on record saying that the pro-life dogma should begin at home. Can this really be the ideology that heralds a new political dawn for women? As the acerbic, left-leaning columnist Katha Pollit wrote in the Nation, “McCain must think we have the collective IQ of a tampax.”

The problem with Feminism in the 21st century is precisely this. It’s got mauled and distorted into being defined by so-called ‘free choice’. If you choose to strip to the skin and make your millions that way, you are ‘liberated’. If you ‘choose’ to be a stay-at-home mom and never become financially independent, you are ‘choosing’ what your mothers were forced to do. If you want to play a born-again evangelical messiah you are not orthodox — by the new mantra of feminism, you are ballsy for saying what you think. Listen to American professor, Linda Hirshman who says caustically, “Choose to exploit your beauty; choose to exploit your brains. Reports from Alaska reflect a serious subset of Palin supporters who just like to look at her legs. Hey, there’s a leg up for future feminist candidates. Boy, everyone’s a Feminist these days.”

And here’s the question: If Hillary’s 18 million voters see a kindred spirit in Palin or an alternative to Obama, should that be branded a feminist choice or just a very stupid decision? What can Hillary’s voters and Palin’s supporters possibly have in common other than Gender? And if that is reason enough aren’t women playing to the worst stereotypes?

Back in India, we may be amused at all the fuss and the fury. But our polity isn’t free from the overweening political correctness that seeks to make potential victims of us all. We saw the first signs of this distorted debate, during the elections for the President’s office. Women in India have enough real issues to battle and real victories to savour. Let’s not get imprisoned by our Gender. Female First doesn’t have to be our motto.

Gorgeous old women

2008-09-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

Talk of a gorgeous Kenyan woman in old age and Orie Rogo Manduli is likely to come to mind. She is outrageous ye, but she has grace, and poise, and confidence, and beauty only a 70-year old can have ( I aint sure of her age though). I guess that's why Miss Kenya 2005 Cecilia Mwangi wants to grow up to be like Orie Rogo- flaunting what she has even when Botox can no longer do the magic.
I loved the way Hillary Clinton looked during teh 2008 Democratic Convention in Denver. I wanna look this gorgeous at fity, with grandkids and all. Who says I can't?

Modesty and sexy details

2008-09-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

I am not quite aware of the legal proceeding following rape or sexual assault but I was quite shocked when the medical officer from Nairobi Women's Hospital came under fire in court for not asking about the sexual history of the three girls filing defilement case against Java Coffee House former proprietor Jon Cardon Wagner.The girls aged between 13 and 14 may not be as innocent when it comes to theirs sexual history as we may assume from their ages but that is beside the point.
I do not even know why the law requires that one divulges their sexual history, because whether they were virgins or the everyday whore, rape or defilement cannot be excused. And whether I am sexually innocent or not, that in no way diminishes the injustice done to the girls. It is even more embarassing having to expose them in such a way.

Ok, I come from thh school of thought that believes sexual matters are srrictly personal. And that is why I could not understand how, in Edith Fortunate's feature on Child pornography in The Saturday Standard, some girl (aged 15) could have sex infront of a jam-packed audience. Like, how? I have lots of problems with a man I am not intimate with viewing many parts of my body. But hech, having sex omundu omundu, not infront of a camera crew, but in front of an audience that could include everybody you know, from your brothers, to your primary school teacher.

And talking of modesty... it seems I am not the only one who thinks like that. A friend of mine told me that there was no way she could share the shower with a man who was not her boyfriend. He may have beeen a one night stand but some things like taking a shower to her, were too intimate. mmmh...

Women aspirants in Kenyan Politics

2008-08-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

I wrote this piece last year just before the General election in Kenya. eight months later, though not in an electioneering mood, I believe the piece is still relevant:

Someone was recently griping about the women lobbyists who are saying that women should be voted into parliament on the virtue of being female. I agreed on one front with him. You are not going to vote in a bad leader just to make political statements to men. Leadership, like so many other things cannot be determined on the platform of gender. The flipside is that gender should not disqualify one from the same. But it has to take more than civil education to sink that into the craniums of some African men and women. When in one village, a woman beat the men during the civic nominations, one appalled voter sought reaffirmation from his colleagues.
‘Yaani you have decided we are going to be ruled by a woman?” To which his wiser partner said, “that is the way it looks right now but let us wait and see.”
In theory, no one has problems with women getting into positions of authority. The idea of affirmative action is ok with most people, until you explain that that would mean about 100 women in parliament. Then gender partiality creeps in. Worse still if a woman is pushing the agenda. It becomes a case of ‘wanawake.’
Political parties in their manifestos have promised Canaan for women. We just have to wait and see how much of that will be delivered.

I hope no one is wondering why women need to get into parliament anyway. If the men promise to do a good job at speaking for the woman and she busies herself with her matriarchal roles, then everybody is happy. Right? Wrong. First we cannot ignore the fact that certain seeds of female emancipation (by any other name) have been sowed and women believe that they can do a better job in the August House. Secondly though men have tried to speak for the woman, most of the time they lack the drive or rationale, consequently a lot still needs to be done.

The blame, as we can deduce from the above conversations and in many other discourses concerning women in political leadership, lies squarely on the mindsets of a patriarchal society. Women in top political leadership has for a long time been phenomenal. It was not until after World War I that the first few women became members of governments. Many countries are now breaking out. Liberia, Chile, Finland, India, Ireland, The Philippines and Switzerland are such proud examples that now have female presidents. Denmark, The Netherlands and the United Kingdom have reigning Queens. Germany, New Zealand, Mozambique and The Netherlands Antilles have woman Prime Ministers. In 1999 Sweden became the first country to have more female ministers than male. With 11 women and 9 men, in 2007 the Finish government had 60% women. Locally, Rwanda and Mozambique are shaming Kenya with more than 30 percent of women in parliament. That, compared to Kenya’s measly 8 percent in the last parliament. Today, only Monaco and Saudi Arabia have never had a female member of government in at least a sub-ministerial position.

That should be enough evidence for dear men that yeah, you can be ruled by a woman. And they will do quite a good job of it- it is not in the gender. The above women are doing an exemplary job, not just because they are women. I hope that the over 120 women who have scooped party nominations this year will make it to Parliament. Compared to the 44 of last year, that already is very encouraging. May be finally more women will show at the ballot box that they too can convince a woman-stingy electorate to give them votes despite the electoral violence, bribery, hooliganism, verbal abuse and threats against aspirants. That they too can survive in the men’s club that government is.

Voting in a woman will not automatically guarantee a significant effect in enhancing women’s right nor will it necessarily translate into a political power base for women. Like the Marxists say the advancement of certain middle-class women does not in the least end the oppression of working-class women or poor peasant women as such. We have seen many who have been there and have done nothing for their own constituencies leave alone for the women of Kenya. All the aspirants seek is that they could get an equal chance to show what they can do, to redeem their societies and their country without the gender bigotry involved. If they have been trusted with the family, then they should be trusted with the ward, constituency and the government.

The Growth of ICT in Kenya

2008-08-15T07:46:00.000-07:00

By Brenda Kageni

It seems like eons ago when to access a telephone, you had to travel for many kilometres. Television was then a preserve of the affluent and snail mail and telegrams from the then telecommunication body, Kenya Posts and Telecommunications Corporation’s were the main mode of communication. Mobile phones were did not exist in the average Kenyan’s vocabulary, Google was unheard of and do not even mention services like Mpesa.

The last nine years have however marked tremendous growth for the Kenya ICT industry.
The revolution which begun with the liberalisation of the telecommunications sector in 1999 brought along various structural and legal changes and the introduction of multiple operators into the markets. Now ICT is one of the fastest growing industries that is enabling Kenya to be a more efficient producer, to attract direct foreign investment and accelerate the growth of the economy. The coming of high-speed broadband connection next year when the Fibre Optic National Network (FONN) and The East African Marine Systems (TEAMS) are completed is expected to lower bandwidth prices and open up the Internet to the mass market, meaning even more growth for the industry.

The sector is increasingly playing a greater role in the growth of the economy. In the last financial year (2006-2007) the postal and telecommunication sub-sectors accounted for 2.5% of the total GDP, up from 2.45 in 2005. The sub-sector grew by 18.1% in 2006. It created the largest number of new jobs in both private and public sectors and had the second highest real average earnings per employee, after business.

Telephony
A lot of growth has been evident in the mobile telephone industry. Last year it had a combined subscriber base of 9.3 million up from 6.4 million (a 36.5% growth) in the previous year and a turnover of sh58 billion up from sh45 billion. The number of SMS messages sent also grew by 57% to reach 315, 557, 601.

The whole telecommunications sector had registered over 9.6 million subscribers up from 6.6 million in the previous year. Fixed telephone lines accounted for only 4% of this. However they have also shown remarkable growth in fixed lines, owing to the introduction of wireless fixed wireless telephones through Code Division Multiple Access (CDMA) technology. Out of the total 339,229 fixed telephone subscribers for both Telkom-Kenya and the local loop operators, fixed wireless subscribers accounted for 84,104. Payphones on the other hand have been on the decline due to vandalism of Telkom Kenya infrastructure, availability of cheaper handsets and lowered rates. Recently Safaricom launched the Third Generation mobile cellular system (3G) that will allow high-speed data transmission. Celtel is soon to follow suit. The country’s cumulative teledensity (number of phone lines per 100 people) has therefore grown to 27.9 up from 19.93 recorded in 2005/6 meaning that 28 per cent of the populace has direct access to a phone. The fixed and mobile telecommunication coverage is estimated to be above 60 per cent. Expansion of services though has meant less consumption. International Telecommunication Union (ITU) statistics indicate that the mobile Average Revenue Per User (ARPU) for Kenya is less than $10 (sh650) per month.

This is attributed to the high call and service charges that makes communication a costly venture for most people. There have been calls for further lowering of the charges and positive steps are being though at a limited level, like with Celtel’s Pamoja tariff. Mr Victor Kyalo the Deputy MD and TCPIP program manager at the Kenya ICT Board however warns that, compared to other countries in Africa and across the globe, the rates are quite reasonable.

“What we can say is that our earning power is not high. We should look at the issue from the costs versus the earning power of the average Kenyan angle. You should not spend more than 5% of your disposable income on communication, and this includes mobile phone charges, postal services and Internet access,” says Kyalo. “We need to increase competition so that the quality improves. Someone making profits is not bad. What is not alright is making profits in an environment like ours.”

Comparative rates with Uganda and South Africa show the following:

Uganda’s MTN PayGo per Second tariff plan charges a flat fee of 320/- per minute. Celtel Uganda rates to both Celtel subscribers and other networks for the Celtel 30 plan go at Ush340 (Ksh13). Tanzania’s Vodacom to vodacom calls cost TSh312 at peak times, Celtel to Celtel costs Tsh318, and in South Africa MTN to MTN and Telkom rates are R 2.75 at peak and R 1.25 at off peak. To other networks calls go at R 3.25. A new service iCtel charges as little as 2c per minute to iCtel numbers and a R 1.40 flat rate to Vodacom/MTN/Cell C/Virgin. However GSM Association has cityed Kenya as one of the last markets in the world where such high charges are levied on airtime. These charges drive up the total cost of owning a mobile phone limiting its contribution to the national economy.

Kenyan mobile phone operators though claim that their costs are influenced by their operational costs. The Standard quotes the CEO of Celtel Kenya, Mr David Murray, in 2007 suggesting that the country’s economy may not be able to support more than three operators. "The economic reality is that if you look around the world, countries bigger and wealthier than Kenya cannot support four operators," he is quoted.

CCK has managed to have interconnect rates lowered by 40% from sh50 to sh30 but these need to come down further to encourage competition and make calls within and across networks more affordable. Most of the major networks have confirmed that they are keen to lower their pricing structure taking into account the revised interconnection rates.

However industry players seem to agree that a reduction in excise taxes would go along way in enabling the reduction of the costs of owning and using a mobile phone. Mobile phone airtime attracts hefty tax related charges including 10 percent excise taxes and 16 per cent VAT.

A reduction in taxes would significantly increase subscriber numbers.

Mobile telephony for the moment is the future of the Kenya ICT industry according to Mr Marcel Werner, the chairman of the Kenya ICT Federation. “They have become a household basic. What we need is more incentives from government agencies to help create innovative services.”

Mr Charles Njoroge, the director in charge of Competition, Tariffs and Market analysis at CCK agrees that the mobile phone market has shown that people can afford ICTs, making the dream of universal access easier to accomplish. “The fact that mobile phones have taken that direction, we can take the ICTs there. Wherever there is a mobile signal, you can do email, voice, SMS and services like MPESA.”

Like Werner suggests, innovativeness, network reliability and the introduction of more competitors are what will keep the industry growing and help improve the quality of services.
“Tanzania has five companies, Uganda has five. Liberalisation creates space for innovation and innovation is what Africa needs,” he says.

Internet
Despite the liberalisation of the Internet market, Internet penetration, absorption and affordability has remained low and way behind the penetration of other communication services.

An Internet Market Study done by CCK in 2006-2007, indicated that Kenya has an estimated 2.7 million Internet users. ITU put the figure as of September last year at 2.77M, a 7.5% population penetration. Unfortunately, 90 percent of these users are in Nairobi and Coast provinces. This is far below countries like Egypt, South Africa, Malaysia and Singapore, countries that have a similar colonial history to Kenya’s and which are in trade competition with Kenya. Kenya lags behind these countries also in the implementation of ICT strategy, international internet connectivity, teledensity, usage of ICTs and the readiness to participate in and benefit from ICT development.

However though grim the picture, Kenya is by far the highest growing market in Internet penetration in sub Saharan Africa. The greatest challenge is to bridge the technology gap between rural and urban areas, the poor and the rich, the young and the old.
“ICT is as basic as water, electricity and bread,” say Marcel. “A country cannot be wholesome if you exclude 80 per cent of the nation. People are eager to adopt ICT. What they need is the know-how that will give them the confidence to start a website for the municipal council or an SMS service.”

With the issue of universal access, comes other issues of training, affordability of computers by all, and the supply of power.
Education especially in primary schools should receive the highest priority. “If the children can be literate then other things become secondary,” says Njoroge.

Mrs Gilda Odera, MD of Skyweb Technologies suggests free, or provision at subsidised rates, of bandwidth to schools and making IT education compulsory in all schools so as to develop a well-trained manpower and to level the ground for everyone. “But without proper power supply, we are just wasting our time,” she says. “Outside key towns, the government needs to look at expansion in power provision against the expected growth in the industry. We cannot afford power outages.”

Availability of almost limitless bandwidth will create various challenges, key among them, need for local content especially for our education system.
“We need content customised for our own needs. In education, in particular, every child should access the same material. There is need to create an educational portal that holds content so that every school can access it,” says Njoroge.

E-commerce
Other areas she is calling for quick intervention are the enablement of e-commerce and Business process outsourcing (BPO). Financial institutions will need to come up with innovative ways, acceptable to sellers, of recruiting the normal mwananchi into their system. These can either be debit, credit cards or other units of e-money.

“The banking industry should make e-commerce more possible by removing the regulations that make it hard to do business online. Instead of just Visa Cards, they should develop other ways through which you can purchase online in a more affordable manner.”

Ms Caroline Cherotich another expert in e-commerce calls for a quick passing of the e-commerce bill so as to provide legal redress for those carrying out online business. And to communication infrastructure, she says that there is need for actual physical infrastructure. “If you order for something how does it get to you? We need a robust and affordable courier service to ensure that the person in Maralal who ordered for goods from Nakumatt gets them in time. The cost of shipment by international courier companies especially for small items also needs to go down.”

Outsourcing has grown in the country for the last there years since VoIP calls were allowed.
“People can now start call centres as phone calls are cheaper. Many businesses that were spending so much money on international calls have now reduced their overheads.”

Business Process Outsourcing
BPO market is set to become the biggest industry in Kenya, according to a recent report by Frost and Sullivan. According to the report, by 2013, Kenya could represent a market with over 1600 call centres from the current 25 or so, with annual revenues of Ksh1.2 billion, and creating 114,000 jobs. This though will mostly depend on availability of bandwidth and connectivity.

According to Odera who is also the MD of Skyweb-Evans Company, which offers international call centre and data conversion services, the BPO market still in its infancy in Kenya can certainly benefit from easier and more affordable licensing and more aggressive marketing. “We need to market Kenya as an alternative destination to India. The government recent efforts to brand the country are a step in the right direction,” says she.

Office drama

2008-08-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my personality type, I think I am an idealist healer (INFP), I avoid conflict with a lot of energy. I would rather accommodate, compromise, even avoid conflict than have to deal with it. Most of all, I will not compete. And being the woman who has been taught to be demure and non-confrontational too, trust me, it is a bit hard, fighting, and fighting fair.

Yesterday it was a colleague who snapped at me for opening her pouch (that thing was so stuffed I had to confirm what was inside). She went on and on about me not respecting her privacy, so I made a hasty "I am sorry" and retreated. Uuuph! Women can be so petty!

Then another colleague has adopted my seat for his own (it's a special one). Finally I decided that I gotta push for my space... why should it be me to accommodate him and clearly, the seat is mine.. so nicely I walk up to him and request to take away the seat (my hands at the back). He gives me a silly grin and tells me that there is no way he is dong that. He came in first, and this is a company chair and blah blah blah...
I am seething inside. But I decide, this aint a worth fighting for. I walk away, still mad and hating him. I want to tell his friends what an ***hole he is but I decide, what the heck. On the other hand, he is the one that is vain here, I think. A good working relationship is too important to compromise for a seat, I think.

Later a colleague who has often been so rude to me is working on a machine I use. I get pleasure out of logging her out, knowing that she doesn't have the password to log back in to the desktop she was using. It just gives me pleasure to pay her back for her cattiness. May be I am the bitch here. But it feels nice to be nasty to people at times.

Female stereotyping at its best

2008-08-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

It's amazing the stereotypes women carry along. She's no nonsense, she is a bitch. She is friendly and everybody's friend... she is weak. She's sensual and sexy and all that... she is an easy lay.

I am a woman. But I am also quick to blacklist and typecast women. One woman I was so used to seeing on TV for example. My first impression was that she was catty... and could be a bitch given the chance. Opportunity finally came my way and today I had a less than pleasing encounter with her. I suppose being an executive doesn't give you the right to treat people like scum even when they are wrong.
But I guess us women are so set on maintaining the stereotypes. The first thing that crossed my mind after the above said woman hung up the phone on me was- she is such a bitch.

I have decided to check my life, on how I am propagating unfavourable stereotyping and typecasting against women. Do I act the dumb blonde? Or the damsel in distress only looking for a man to rescue her? Do I look like I am trying to overcompensate for my feminity, by being too masculine? Do I dress ina way that diminishes my other strong attributes, like my intelligence or charisma?

But again what the heck? She wants to be bitchy, or teh dumb blonde or the manipulative pig and drama queen, let her go ahead. Only she should not spoil my day in the process.

Nothing but teh best for this woman

2008-07-25T05:01:00.000-07:00

Something interesting about progression in life is that you become more and more pre-occupied with the need for happiness. You have struggled, worked hard, so you deserve the good life- right. You deserve a well-paying job, that you enjoy, that can earn you respect, you deserve cool and faithful friends, a man who treats you right, a house that compliments your style... the works.

But what if these things do not come? What if even after your prestigious Masters degree the job you get is still crap? What if even after doing everything possible to be the prime catch, you end up attracting less than the most appealing choice for a spouse? Do you just hang on there, or do you give them the boot, because being a prime catch, you can only end up with the prize job, car, house, man, may be even kids and in-laws....

I just think we are becoming a society of perfectionist that expects nothing but the best from everybody including our employers, mothers and children. And we are becoming less and less patient with weaknesses. A child who is a nuisance is spirited to boarding school. An annoying mother is prohibited from coming to your home, ever. A lousy husband/boyfie- give him the boot.

Only, do we ever sit to ponder on the gaping holes we have in our characters and personalities...

The Game of Running- especially when bitten

2008-07-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

I think I have the running gene somewhere deep inside me... and I am not talking about the marathon or the 100m sprint here, even with Beijing Olympics being a sizzling subject at the moment.

I am talking about the tendency to flee for dear life whenever my sanity, security, heart etc is threatened.
But I do not blame me... It is something that seems to happen along my gene line- we know how to dash for our running shoes. Important people (and I am not misusing that word) in my life have taught me top walk away, and to keep on walking after that. And from them I have learnt to keep my peace by pulling my cute sweet self from scenes that can only cause me pain. So a relationship is on the rocks, I run away. An assignment is frustrating me, I run away. A friend has beef with me, I pull away. I do not call it cowardice.. I call it non-confrontationalism. And like characters whose identity or significanance I will not reveal, as yet, I do it with my head held up high. No slinking away with my tail between my legs, nah, not for a fighter woman like me...

But I hope, that when I eventually have the courage to face myself, my fears, my uncertainties, it will not bee too late; I will not have lost everybody whom I would have cared a mite for, or lost precious moments that could have ben shared.

Weighty matters

2008-07-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

I live in a typical African society in the 21st Century where it is difficult to draw a line between what's cool because that's what we love and what's cool because Westernisation says so. Take weight issues for example. Where I grew up, the bigger you were, the better of you were thought to be doing., I grew up a skinny kid- it was assumed my mum didn't feed me well. I went to high school then college and maintained my stick-slim figure- everyone thought books were stressing me. Then I got a job and there, I started piling on the kg's. I got stressed. My tummy was no longer flat, cellulite was marring my once cute boyish figure and I could no longer fit in my size 10 clothes! What can be more distressing than kissing your cute top bye because you are overflowing out of it!

But some men (those who still the African mentality that big is beautiful) were all over me. I could not make up my mind. Did I want the big bum that drew attention whenever I walked on the street, or did I want my stick-slim figure that allowed me to wear almost anything. IO have always admired big mamas. Not big in the sense of size 16's and 18's but more in the sense of a healthy rotund bum, some chubby cheeks, some boob room.. busty and booty- you get it. But if the cost of that is love handles that no crunches can get rid of and stretch marks that make you look like a human Zebra, then no thanks... So I am hitting the gym, even if I feel like it is gonna kill me but scrimping on meals is easier... city market fruit salad parlour, here I come.

Until... baby fat kicks, then menopause, then welcome big mama

Stepford Wives

2008-07-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

I am one of those people who consider watching a movie [at home] a treat. I mean, no dressing up, no pop corn and coke, no date even, but I still enjoy my 90 minutes or so of uninterrupted bliss. So having recovered from the hell pit that sickness is, I decided to celebrate. And with me was a Nicole Kidman DVD and here comes Stepford wives.
A nice movie really... but I suspect the script was written by a man. Why else would anyone expect bimbo who looks gorgeous, is good in bed, not a hair out of place, is able to manage the kids, is a whiz in the kitchen[bakes cookies for 50 people?], courteous, attends book club meetings.. jeez. Like- what's her name, Kidman- said, that is not the real world. In the real world, people are not always smiling and happy.
In the real world, people fight, people cry, people get bored... your heart gets broke, you break people's hearts, you dissapoint and are disappointed, other times you just don't wanna be happy for no reason in particular. You see a sick kid suffer and know there is nothing you can do to ease their pain, you get broke, your car breaks down at the most inopportune time, you lose friends, family or stuff you like... And that is life!

If I had another chance to live

2008-07-16T02:08:00.000-07:00

I have been unwell lately. First a problematic third molar, then the after effects of a dose of anti-bios... plainly said, I have not been on the best shape to go to work. Today as I coiled and resisted the waves of nausea threatening my sanity, I came across this post, someone had left opened on my desktop.
It is for all the women out there trying so hard to be superwives, supermoms, superbosses, superemployeesw, supercolleagues, superdaughters, superwomen. You got one life to live. LIVE IT.

To all the awesome women out there, In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. Here is an angel sent to watch over you.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when some one wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn wit h my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it ... and never give it back.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.
Life is too short to let it pass you by. W e only have one shot at this and then it's gone. I hope you all have a blessed day.

Beautiful Women's Month

Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen.

Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.

Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mum I can't go to school looking like this!)

Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway.

Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway.

Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but says "I'm better than ever" and goes out anyway.

Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.

Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80: Doesn't bother to look, she just enjoys the little things of life that she missed before. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to watch the Sunsets and enjoy the world.

Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier.

The The thin line between feminism and woman empowerement

2008-07-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

I recently had an interview with a woman who told me that she is always looking out for the affair of the woman. People call her a feminist. I love women [I am not gay], but one of my bosses thinks I am a feminist. Do I think of myself as one? No.. because i did not consciously choose to look out for the affair of fellow mamas. I just discovered that overtime, I care how the woman is viewed, treated, spoken to... you get it.

The view most people have is that if you are pro-woman, you are anti-men. All very wrong... because although I can't speak for others, men make most of my friends anyway. And I guess I find the sub-species easier to get along with, but that's not my point. Nay be it is because most people who are considered feminists [read the list of lawyers at Fida, most women human rights organisations and the Martha Karua, Njoki Ndungu, Wangari Maathai-likes] are sadly single. May be pure coincidence but I doubt it.

Another mama told me that shewould rather be single and achieving her dream than live with a man who was always cliping her wings whenever she attempted to fly. I guess that is why the high flyers in Kenya [not just- I am thinking of Condoleeza Rice and Oprah Winfrey] never marry or end up divorced.

I guess the problem with most women-sympathisers is that they end up loving the girlchild and the woman so much, they begin to revile the man. Unfortunately this world operates on certain principles- like men being heads of households and being more aggressive and physically strong.

That is why I insist that not everyone who is pro-woman is a feminist. Nothing so wrong with feminism really but it carries a cult-like semblance among its followers. if we can aim at attaining a right balance: one, knowing that our strength is often in us taking our place; two, in not letting anyone fit us into their mould, positive or negative and third, respect our men. No need for competition... we know can do whatever we set our minds to anyway- even if its state house. After all if we have achieved all that we have with the glass ceiling still on, what about if it wasn't there? just look at Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf...

The dullness in this heart

2008-07-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

It's a dull evening in Nairobi... I know that is a dumb start, but I guess I love the weather right now. Unexpected rain on a Friday afternoon- what more could we ask for. It's the making of nightmarish traffic jams and weather nightmares for the lasses who came ready for a Friday Night Out (FNO).

But I guess my heart is broken... Or rather it has been knocked in or out. It feels dull like it has been through a knocking...

Lord help me to guard my heart for from it comes the issues of life

The media and bad hair days

2008-07-02T08:02:00.000-07:00

I am often not moved when I hear people talk of having bad hair days- because I have had bad hair for the whole of my life. I remember growing up, people would tell me that during creation, I found all the hair had been issued out and I received what was remaining- kinky, difficult-to- manage-hair that more often feels like steel wool. Since I had to cut (shave is a better word here) my hair for me to attend primary school- who lied to our teachers (he was a Mr Njagi), that young black girls could not maintain hygienic hair?

I guess the old man was God inspired since even in my adulthood, my hair still gives me nightmares. Consequently, though I hate aping a mzungu, I have had to live with chemically treated hair which more than often remains braided.

That was not my point anyway... I was just totally embarrassed- if I had a white face it would have shown- when Atoti Joyce Akinyi wife(?) to a nigerian man, called a press conference in Kenya and in between, managed to tug at her falling wig IN FRONT OF NATIONAL TV CAMERAS. Needless to say she was on prime time TV with her falling hair. I would like to be soft on her but that was selling our game so bad. Then to add salt to injury, she went to pull off the weave as she walked to her house, with TV cameras still on her trail. and did Beyonce's wig fall of during a performance?

Above: Beyonce's lace front wig fixed on her forehead with support tape seems to have been fixed a bit too tight too. (The tape is usually covered with makeup to remain invisible). Men pretend to love our gorgeous hair even when they know they are synthetic extensions. But when we go to completely sell our game Madam Akinyi (and Beyonce), you are not forgiven.

She is

2008-06-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

I love her because she is a woman,
she may have won international accolades like the Nobel Peace prize,
She may be a first in so many fields like a firs t woman to vie for presidency in the US,
She may be a faithful wife and mother in the hills of Abidjan

Or a beautiful, glamorous, scandalous heir to some of the world's wealth.

She could even be a culture -subdued mama in the plains of Kapiti as she looks after her family

But she is a woman
And in her is dignity and strength.

Her eyes are full of wisdom from the years

She knows what she want; and goes ahead to get it;

She sees a lot, feels the pain and carries it in her bosom.

She knows the softness of her baby's kiss and of the dew as it kisses the dawn.

She runs, skids, bends, sweats, sometimes under back-breaking work, so that her babies cannot sleep hungry,

Other times she puts up with critism and lies meant to derail her, just to see her dream filfilled.

She saves and invests and stretches every coin in the home so that they can buy that home, or pay school fees, or just take that
holiday

That is why i respect and love the woman

In her I see the hopes and dreams of all humanity embodied

In her I see strength and dignity

I pray she will live to be the Proverbs31 woman.