Thursday, September 25, 2008

My Baby Photo




I love pictures of babies… babies I know, babies I don’t know, babies I will never meet nor do I care to. Recently when I put a desktop picture of a big cute baby gal, a colleague dissed me and told me to go get my own. My fascination with other people’s baby pictures might have something to do with that fact that I do not have any of my own- for some reason the youngest I ever saw myself was at more than a year old. And even then I did not offer the most flattering model to the Village (more like district) cameraman who passed by every Sunday. I was so totally afraid of the cam that I was always crying in photos… and goes my sad but short affiliation with them pics.

Now I was stupefied when I heard that the Brangelina twin photos were sold to People for $14 mil (sh896M). Previously when People paid a reported $4 million to publish pictures of Brangelina's earlier contribution to the human race in 2006, the issue actually sold out. Certain sectors of the population — I'm taking a wild guess that most of them are women — get a kick out of seeing pictures of babies that were birthed by people they will never meet.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Gorgeous old women


Talk of a gorgeous Kenyan woman in old age and Orie Rogo Manduli is likely to come to mind. She is outrageous ye, but she has grace, and poise, and confidence, and beauty only a 70-year old can have ( I aint sure of her age though). I guess that's why Miss Kenya 2005 Cecilia Mwangi wants to grow up to be like Orie Rogo- flaunting what she has even when Botox can no longer do the magic.
I loved the way Hillary Clinton looked during teh 2008 Democratic Convention in Denver. I wanna look this gorgeous at fity, with grandkids and all. Who says I can't?

Monday, September 1, 2008

Modesty and sexy details


I am not quite aware of the legal proceeding following rape or sexual assault but I was quite shocked when the medical officer from Nairobi Women's Hospital came under fire in court for not asking about the sexual history of the three girls filing defilement case against Java Coffee House former proprietor Jon Cardon Wagner.The girls aged between 13 and 14 may not be as innocent when it comes to theirs sexual history as we may assume from their ages but that is beside the point.
I do not even know why the law requires that one divulges their sexual history, because whether they were virgins or the everyday whore, rape or defilement cannot be excused. And whether I am sexually innocent or not, that in no way diminishes the injustice done to the girls. It is even more embarassing having to expose them in such a way.

Ok, I come from thh school of thought that believes sexual matters are srrictly personal. And that is why I could not understand how, in Edith Fortunate's feature on Child pornography in The Saturday Standard, some girl (aged 15) could have sex infront of a jam-packed audience. Like, how? I have lots of problems with a man I am not intimate with viewing many parts of my body. But hech, having sex omundu omundu, not infront of a camera crew, but in front of an audience that could include everybody you know, from your brothers, to your primary school teacher.

And talking of modesty... it seems I am not the only one who thinks like that. A friend of mine told me that there was no way she could share the shower with a man who was not her boyfriend. He may have beeen a one night stand but some things like taking a shower to her, were too intimate. mmmh...

Friday, August 15, 2008

Women aspirants in Kenyan Politics


I wrote this piece last year just before the General election in Kenya. eight months later, though not in an electioneering mood, I believe the piece is still relevant:

Someone was recently griping about the women lobbyists who are saying that women should be voted into parliament on the virtue of being female. I agreed on one front with him. You are not going to vote in a bad leader just to make political statements to men. Leadership, like so many other things cannot be determined on the platform of gender. The flipside is that gender should not disqualify one from the same. But it has to take more than civil education to sink that into the craniums of some African men and women. When in one village, a woman beat the men during the civic nominations, one appalled voter sought reaffirmation from his colleagues.
‘Yaani you have decided we are going to be ruled by a woman?” To which his wiser partner said, “that is the way it looks right now but let us wait and see.”
In theory, no one has problems with women getting into positions of authority. The idea of affirmative action is ok with most people, until you explain that that would mean about 100 women in parliament. Then gender partiality creeps in. Worse still if a woman is pushing the agenda. It becomes a case of ‘wanawake.’
Political parties in their manifestos have promised Canaan for women. We just have to wait and see how much of that will be delivered.

I hope no one is wondering why women need to get into parliament anyway. If the men promise to do a good job at speaking for the woman and she busies herself with her matriarchal roles, then everybody is happy. Right? Wrong. First we cannot ignore the fact that certain seeds of female emancipation (by any other name) have been sowed and women believe that they can do a better job in the August House. Secondly though men have tried to speak for the woman, most of the time they lack the drive or rationale, consequently a lot still needs to be done.

The blame, as we can deduce from the above conversations and in many other discourses concerning women in political leadership, lies squarely on the mindsets of a patriarchal society. Women in top political leadership has for a long time been phenomenal. It was not until after World War I that the first few women became members of governments. Many countries are now breaking out. Liberia, Chile, Finland, India, Ireland, The Philippines and Switzerland are such proud examples that now have female presidents. Denmark, The Netherlands and the United Kingdom have reigning Queens. Germany, New Zealand, Mozambique and The Netherlands Antilles have woman Prime Ministers. In 1999 Sweden became the first country to have more female ministers than male. With 11 women and 9 men, in 2007 the Finish government had 60% women. Locally, Rwanda and Mozambique are shaming Kenya with more than 30 percent of women in parliament. That, compared to Kenya’s measly 8 percent in the last parliament. Today, only Monaco and Saudi Arabia have never had a female member of government in at least a sub-ministerial position.




That should be enough evidence for dear men that yeah, you can be ruled by a woman. And they will do quite a good job of it- it is not in the gender. The above women are doing an exemplary job, not just because they are women. I hope that the over 120 women who have scooped party nominations this year will make it to Parliament. Compared to the 44 of last year, that already is very encouraging. May be finally more women will show at the ballot box that they too can convince a woman-stingy electorate to give them votes despite the electoral violence, bribery, hooliganism, verbal abuse and threats against aspirants. That they too can survive in the men’s club that government is.

Voting in a woman will not automatically guarantee a significant effect in enhancing women’s right nor will it necessarily translate into a political power base for women. Like the Marxists say the advancement of certain middle-class women does not in the least end the oppression of working-class women or poor peasant women as such. We have seen many who have been there and have done nothing for their own constituencies leave alone for the women of Kenya. All the aspirants seek is that they could get an equal chance to show what they can do, to redeem their societies and their country without the gender bigotry involved. If they have been trusted with the family, then they should be trusted with the ward, constituency and the government.


Friday, July 25, 2008

Nothing but teh best for this woman

Something interesting about progression in life is that you become more and more pre-occupied with the need for happiness. You have struggled, worked hard, so you deserve the good life- right. You deserve a well-paying job, that you enjoy, that can earn you respect, you deserve cool and faithful friends, a man who treats you right, a house that compliments your style... the works.

But what if these things do not come? What if even after your prestigious Masters degree the job you get is still crap? What if even after doing everything possible to be the prime catch, you end up attracting less than the most appealing choice for a spouse? Do you just hang on there, or do you give them the boot, because being a prime catch, you can only end up with the prize job, car, house, man, may be even kids and in-laws....

I just think we are becoming a society of perfectionist that expects nothing but the best from everybody including our employers, mothers and children. And we are becoming less and less patient with weaknesses. A child who is a nuisance is spirited to boarding school. An annoying mother is prohibited from coming to your home, ever. A lousy husband/boyfie- give him the boot.

Only, do we ever sit to ponder on the gaping holes we have in our characters and personalities...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Weighty matters





















I live in a typical African society in the 21st Century where it is difficult to draw a line between what's cool because that's what we love and what's cool because Westernisation says so. Take weight issues for example. Where I grew up, the bigger you were, the better of you were thought to be doing., I grew up a skinny kid- it was assumed my mum didn't feed me well. I went to high school then college and maintained my stick-slim figure- everyone thought books were stressing me. Then I got a job and there, I started piling on the kg's. I got stressed. My tummy was no longer flat, cellulite was marring my once cute boyish figure and I could no longer fit in my size 10 clothes! What can be more distressing than kissing your cute top bye because you are overflowing out of it!

But some men (those who still the African mentality that big is beautiful) were all over me. I could not make up my mind. Did I want the big bum that drew attention whenever I walked on the street, or did I want my stick-slim figure that allowed me to wear almost anything. IO have always admired big mamas. Not big in the sense of size 16's and 18's but more in the sense of a healthy rotund bum, some chubby cheeks, some boob room.. busty and booty- you get it. But if the cost of that is love handles that no crunches can get rid of and stretch marks that make you look like a human Zebra, then no thanks... So I am hitting the gym, even if I feel like it is gonna kill me but scrimping on meals is easier... city market fruit salad parlour, here I come.

Until... baby fat kicks, then menopause, then welcome big mama

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Stepford Wives


I am one of those people who consider watching a movie [at home] a treat. I mean, no dressing up, no pop corn and coke, no date even, but I still enjoy my 90 minutes or so of uninterrupted bliss. So having recovered from the hell pit that sickness is, I decided to celebrate. And with me was a Nicole Kidman DVD and here comes Stepford wives.
A nice movie really... but I suspect the script was written by a man. Why else would anyone expect bimbo who looks gorgeous, is good in bed, not a hair out of place, is able to manage the kids, is a whiz in the kitchen[bakes cookies for 50 people?], courteous, attends book club meetings.. jeez. Like- what's her name, Kidman- said, that is not the real world. In the real world, people are not always smiling and happy.
In the real world, people fight, people cry, people get bored... your heart gets broke, you break people's hearts, you dissapoint and are disappointed, other times you just don't wanna be happy for no reason in particular. You see a sick kid suffer and know there is nothing you can do to ease their pain, you get broke, your car breaks down at the most inopportune time, you lose friends, family or stuff you like... And that is life!


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

If I had another chance to live



I have been unwell lately. First a problematic third molar, then the after effects of a dose of anti-bios... plainly said, I have not been on the best shape to go to work. Today as I coiled and resisted the waves of nausea threatening my sanity, I came across this post, someone had left opened on my desktop.
It is for all the women out there trying so hard to be superwives, supermoms, superbosses, superemployeesw, supercolleagues, superdaughters, superwomen. You got one life to live. LIVE IT.

To all the awesome women out there, In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. Here is an angel sent to watch over you.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'go
od' living room and worried much less about the dirt when some one wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have sh
ared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car wind
ows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn wit h my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried
and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never ha
ve bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids
kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love
you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it ... and never give it back.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's c
herish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally, as well as spiritually.
Life is too short to let
it pass you by. W e only have one shot at this and then it's gone. I hope you all have a blessed day.

Beautiful Women's Month



Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a Queen.



Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.

Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an Ugly Sister (Mum I can't go to school looking like this!)


A
ge 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly"- but decides she's going out anyway.




Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but decides she doesn't have time to fix it, so she's going out anyway.


Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" - but says "I'm better than ever" and goes out anyway.

Age 50: She looks at herself and sees "I am" and goes wherever she wants to go.


Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out and conquers the world.

Age 70: She looks at herself & sees wisdom, laughter and ability, goes out and enjoys life.


Age 80: Doesn't bother to look, she just enjoys the little things of life that she missed before.
Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to watch the Sunsets and enjoy the world.



Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier.


Friday, July 11, 2008

The The thin line between feminism and woman empowerement


I recently had an interview with a woman who told me that she is always looking out for the affair of the woman. People call her a feminist. I love women [I am not gay], but one of my bosses thinks I am a feminist. Do I think of myself as one? No.. because i did not consciously choose to look out for the affair of fellow mamas. I just discovered that overtime, I care how the woman is viewed, treated, spoken to... you get it.

The view most people have is that if you are pro-woman, you are anti-men. All very wrong... because although I can't speak for others, men make most of my friends anyway. And I guess I find the sub-species easier to get along with, but that's not my point. Nay be it is because most people who are considered feminists [read the list of lawyers at Fida, most women human rights organisations and the Martha Karua, Njoki Ndungu, Wangari Maathai-likes] are sadly single. May be pure coincidence but I doubt it.

Another mama told me that shewould rather be single and achieving her dream than live with a man who was always cliping her wings whenever she attempted to fly. I guess that is why the high flyers in Kenya [not just- I am thinking of Condoleeza Rice and Oprah Winfrey] never marry or end up divorced.


I guess the problem with most women-sympathisers is that they end up loving the girlchild and the woman so much, they begin to revile the man. Unfortunately this world operates on certain principles- like men being heads of households and being more aggressive and physically strong.

That is why I insist that not everyone who is pro-woman is a feminist. Nothing so wrong with feminism really but it carries a cult-like semblance among its followers. if we can aim at attaining a right balance: one, knowing that our strength is often in us taking our place; two, in not letting anyone fit us into their mould, positive or negative and third, respect our men. No need for competition... we know can do whatever we set our minds to anyway- even if its state house. After all if we have achieved all that we have with the glass ceiling still on, what about if it wasn't there? just look at Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf...